Patience

For the past few years, I have been on a deeply inward journey. I know this is not a surprise to most of you, the changes I make internally translate directly to how I interact with the outside world, and I think even those of you who only know me peripherally have probably been able to see the evolution.

A huge part of my internal growth is identifying ways of being that no longer serve me. I look for the blocks, if you will, and then I choose to clear them. This has played out in many different ways over the years, but in general it involves me getting really honest about my role in the situations in my life, and then focusing on adjusting the ONE thing I have any semblance of control over… myself.

In no particular order, this has involved (working on):

operating from a place of love rather than fear
releasing anger/resentment
surrendering control
creating healthy boundaries
giving up judgment
trusting in a higher order
trusting myself
being ok with not knowing
embracing imperfection
celebrating vulnerability
allowing joy, truth, and love to be my ultimate guideposts.

I trust that each person on this earth is here for their own personal journey; to learn their own lessons and shine their own unique light on the world. My only real job is to develop my own light; to allow my own unique beauty and power to rise to the surface.

In order for my light to fully glow, I first have to remove the filters that have been placed over the lens. Filters that have built up over the years, each one darkening and dampening my glow. These filters are the result of years of conditioning and absorbing the teachings of the world around me- things our culture/society tells me to be (or not be), family beliefs/expectations, results of my own personal trauma and experiences, etc.

Removing filters is hard. Questioning everything is hard. Growth is hard.

And… SO. FUCKING. WORTH IT.

At the beginning of each year, I set an intention for an area of growth and choose one word as a reminder and sort of mantra for myself.

At the beginning of 2020 I chose Surrender. I wanted to focus on giving up control. Allow myself to flow with the universe. Trust that life happens just as it’s supposed to in order to give us the lessons we need. Less grasping, more release…

I think it’s fair to say that 2020 delivered.

Talk about endless possibilities to practice giving up control… holy shit.

Oooohhhhh, the lessons that 2020 brought. The growth. The perspective shift. Even when the process was painful, I’m grateful for all of it.

Which brings me to 2021. This year I chose Patience.

I am an Enneagram 8, after all (with a strong 7 wing), and 8’s are doers.

We get shit done.

Right now.

Once I make a decision (and generally that’s a quick process when I’m trusting my gut), I move on it. No time for dilly-dallying, let’s get ‘er done.

Sooooo, yeah. Patience has always been a struggle for me. Because even though I’ve learned how to trust the process… flow with the unknown… allow what is meant for me to be revealed… yada yada yada… I still want that shit to happen right now.

Which brings us to present day: Bend, Oregon. The housing market here is a shit show.

Apparently that is true in most places right now, but especially the cute little towns that everyone has always dreamed of moving to, but never did because of work/school/life/whatever and now with COVID everyone is shouting THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER and saying fuck it I’m moving to Bend, Oregon.

So here we are with the rest of America, throwing elbows and making ridiculous offers, all just trying to see who gets to live closest to the last Blockbuster.

The Last Blockbuster. It’s really a thing.

And of course, once we made the decision to settle down and find a house, the Airstream shrunk about 5 sizes and then it rained for a week.

Shit’s getting real up in this little tuna can.

Patience.

But you guys, I PREPARED myself for this moment. I KNEW I would be battling my deeply rooted impatience. I was ready for the anxious feelings to start bubbling up in my chest, telling me that we’re unsafe and it’s time to panic.

I knew it was going to happen, so I pre-planned for my inevitable panic attack. I made campground reservations for the entire summer, planning as though no house was on the horizon. I had many talks with myself and many meditation sessions. My little root chakra and I got down together on the daily; listening to soothing music trying to bring calm to the little place in me that just wants everyone and everything to be settled. RIGHT NOW.

I was ready. I was going to show Patience that I owned it. I had my whack-a-mole mallet poised to squash any fears as soon as they popped up…

Where are we going to live?

What schools will the kids go to?

Should the kids go to school?

Could we continue homeschooling?

Are the kids ok?

Do we really want to give up fulltime traveling?

How the hell am I going to manage trailer life while Brent is at work?

How do you drive/park/hitch/unhitch/dump this damn thing?

Have houses always been this expensive?

Are we jumping right back on the hamster wheel we were so excited to jump off?

Are we making a huge mistake?

WHACK WHACK WHACK

Long days of house hunting and neighborhood scoping = complete parental surrender to the technology demons.

So we settled in for the long haul and calmly entered into the housing frenzy, vowing that we would not be swept along in the chaos. Promising ourselves that we wouldn’t panic and would wait for the right thing to come along.

And two weeks in… she showed up.

She’s a sweet little diamond in the rough. A 1930’s ranch house on 3/4 acre right in the middle of town. The property is a secret garden of towering old pines, overgrown honeysuckle, fragrant lilacs, and flowering fruit trees.

It is kid heaven.

It is mom heaven.

The house itself is really sweet and quirky. She’s had some updates over the years, but much of the original character has remained intact. Now, anyone even moderately versed in home maintenance will be terrified by the words “original,” “character,” and “quirky”… and rightly so. The inspection process and due diligence period has been a rollercoaster ride full of fun surprises. 😆 She’s got some stuff going on, and there will be projects, but we’re going in eyes wide open and are ready to lovingly nurture her into this century.

Oh, and she’s 8 blocks from Blockbuster. Score!

So, as it turns out, the house showed up relatively quickly, but the sellers are renting back for a month and we don’t take possession until mid-July, so I am afforded another chance to practice Patience (other than the infinite opportunities my children give me daily). I’m choosing to see this as the grand finale of our season of travel, enjoying the last weeks in this tiny living space with the world as our back yard. Breathing in the calm before we slide back into society and figure out how to meld old ways of being with new priorities.

I’m happy to linger a little longer… maybe this Patience thing isn’t so bad. ;)

Random side note, I’m so excited to be settling back in the Northwest. It feels so good to be here! We’ve already had two visits from my parents when they drove through town on a road trip, and plans to meet up with countless other friends and family once we’re settled. We’ll be bouncing around between Washington and Oregon in June, let me know if you want to try to connect!

Scroll down for pictures of our time in Yosemite and our first few weeks in Bend.

In Joy, Truth, & Love,

Lisa

Author’s note: I wrote this post two weeks ago but held off on hitting the publish button because we’ve been waiting for the appraisal to come back and it took FOREVER. It just came back today and now we have finally jumped the final home buying hurdle! Whenever a blog post forms itself in my head I feel jittery until I hit submit, like the words are pushing their way through my skin. I’ve been sitting with that for the past two weeks, wanting to get the words out, and also waiting for the house to be a “done deal.” So, thanks for this little bonus exercise in Patience, universe. I see what you did there. 😉

Pics from our time in Yosemite: